I’m Sorry

I wanted to say I am sorry.  I have been hiding a part of myself from you.  You see, I have this great purpose inside of me that has been longing to be shared for 20 years now.  I have been sharing more and more of this purpose with you over the years but it has scared me to fully expose my heart and show you the full truth of what it is.

hiding in the shadowsI have realised that what I am scared of is the depth of my love, the depth of my ability to love and how vulnerable an experience this is for me.  I have hidden this powerful love behind a lot of pain, sadness and fear.

My purpose, what I have came here to share with you and the world, is intensely vulnerable.  It feels very unsafe to share the depth of this vulnerability.  My inner child feels like sharing the depth of my heart and Soul could mean the end of the world.  A wee bit dramatic but this is how my inner child feels!  So this vulnerable part of me retreats and recoils which means I only share a fraction of the truth of who I am with the world.

People can feel this.  They can feel that there is something not aligned, something not fully truthful, something not fully honest going on, but they won’t necessarily be able to put their finger on exactly what that is.

A few of my soul sisters that know me very well brought this protection pattern of mine to my attention.  There is a disconnect between the truth of who I am, who they know as the real me and what I am sharing publicly for others to see.  Hearing this was a bit of a surprise as I always aim to be as authentic and open as possible but I also knew that there was truth in what my sisters were saying.  I could feel this heavy weight over my heart that was still protecting me and covering up my light.

My soul’s purpose has been guiding me powerfully to take massive action, to come out of hiding and show up even more.  There has been a lot of growth his year, but there is still a push/pull.  An aspect of my purpose says ‘Get out there and shine!’ but there is an equally strong pull that is terrified of what will happen if I do.

My heart wishes to shower all of humanity with transformational love and consciousness.  My vulnerable heart wants to shine like the sun and be received. My Shining heartvulnerable self wishes to be loved and accepted for who I truly am.  What happens if I share the depth of my heart, if I show up in that full vulnerability and I get criticised, attacked, rejected or ridiculed?

When the truth of who I am isn’t received, when it is rejected or judged, this feels very painful.  The thing is, when you experience rejection or criticism from another person, what’s really going on is that you are experiencing the other person’s pain, fear, mistrust, anger.   Their wounds are projected outwards onto you which is why for an empath or highly sensitive person it is extraordinarily uncomfortable.  So when I am receiving someone’s judgement or rejection, I feel all of their pain as if it’s within me and that really hurts.  Because of this I still carry protection around with me, hiding my heart, even after years of working with this pattern.

Showing up fully in my truth, sharing my vulnerable heart,  sometimes feels too hard and yet in order to serve fully, in order to share the fullness of my purpose and gift with the world,  it’s time to move beyond that place of protection.

So I want to apologise to you for hiding my heart and for not fully sharing myself with you.  I never intended to do that, I have always intended to share the fullness of myself with you.  But this protection pattern is still here and I am lovingly exposing it to you in order to transform it and to invite you to do the same.  It is my intention to show up even more, to shine even brighter, to share the fullness of my being with you and trust that if that resonates with you then you will feel safer to share your great gifts with the world.

This journey to embodying your purpose and showing up in the full truth of who you are is intense.  I know why you hide, because I too have been hiding.  I have the deepest compassion for your hiding and your blocks and barriers, your fears and doubts.  Its not easy showing up fully.  This is part of the challenge of this journey and the thing that makes this journey so interesting, how we push and pull between the light of our soul and the protection of our ego.

I would like to invite you to rise up with me and shine even brighter together, to have that courage to share even more of who you are with the world.  Sometimes truth is fierce.  The truth is not always soft, pretty and gentle.  Transformation can be like volcanos, earth quakes and tsunamis.  Your truth doesn’t have to be all pretty, gentle, love and light all of the time.

This has been a long journey of coming out of hiding and practicing sharing more of me.  It’s my intention to publicly declare that I am standing strong in sharing my truth with you and the world.  I would love you to come and join me.  It’s no fun all by myself :)

th-4Sisters and brothers, it’s time to rise up, it’s time to come out from behind the shadow and come out into the sunlight.  It’s time to dance and play in this world, even if it this world feels hostile or unsafe sometimes, even if there are miserable people out there.

I believe we are here to start a new paradigm party, creating a new paradigm of being on this planet.  Not everyone is going to choose this party.  You need to follow what is true for you and welcome in all of those beautiful souls who are vibrating on your frequency to come and play with you.  Call them in.

I am so glad to be sharing this journey with you.

Much Love,

Lara x

, ,

One Response to I’m Sorry

  1. Jana Lyn December 9, 2016 at 8:12 pm #

    Hi Lara,

    Awesome read! Lovely to hear you speak from this place. I know there are many out there including me who need to take that step! I just loved your post! Look forward to taking that journey with you too!

Leave a Reply

Powered by WordPress. Designed by Woo Themes