This summer I spent the month of August back home in British Columbia, Canada visiting my family. I was born and raised in Vancouver, Canada and moved to London, England in 1999. I have beautiful places to visit when I go home, surrounded by water, trees, mountains and wildlife. In this environment one would think that I would be the most balanced, peaceful and grounded that I could possibly be. Unfortunately, this is not the case for me.
Going home has always proved challenging for me. I love my family but I find living together for a month very intense. Being a healer, I am very energetically sensitive and I find it a challenge to be with large groups of people for extended periods of time. I know this about myself so I was well prepared. I had a plan in place. I know what happens when I don’t stick to this plan, so this year I was extra determined. I did well with this plan for the first part of my trip.
I would wake up early every day, have water and a cup of green tea, meditate, drink a smoothie, exercise and then spend the rest of the day outdoors with my family by the lake or the seaside. Following this plan felt really good in the beginning and all was going well. Any family triggers or challenges that came up for me was able to be cleared while meditating and released with exercise. I could let go, realign and get back into the flow. I was doing well.
As the trip went on, the places that we visited became smaller and with 5-6 children, and many more adults, the pressure started to build. I started to get tired and what I call ‘energetically full’. As I got increasingly tired I started to skip a day of meditation here and there. As the meditation slowed down, I started to drink coffee and alcohol in the evening. Coffee and alcohol do not mix well with me but I do enjoy them! It’s one of those frustrating things about being sensitive, I just can’t go there and feel good.
Slowly, as the holiday went on, the healthy choices started slipping away and the unhealthy choices started to sneak in. For most people, letting things go on holiday is normal and expected. But for me, if I am to feel good and function well in life, I need to stay in balance or things start to fall apart. And this is exactly what happened.
The one thing that I maintained was daily exercise but everything else slipped away and I started to lose myself. By the end of the trip I was completely exhausted. I was an emotional wreck. One day I cried 3 times! I had taken everyone and their problems into my body and they were stuck there like energetic constipation. I was moody, short tempered, ungrounded, and had a hard time focusing. My mind was spinning off in all sorts of directions, my thoughts were looping like a lunatic. I had lost all perspective on some family issues which had totally consumed me. I felt as though I was in survival mode. I had lost connection to my inner guidance, I had lost connection to my self.
I didn’t take my own advice. I stopped doing the things that make me feel good and keep me balanced. As a result I fell flat on my face. In some ways I am glad that this happened as it has reminded me what it’s like to feel this terrible. It has reminded me why it’s so hard to make positive, healthy choices from this space.
Feeling good and being in balance does not come naturally to me. It is a daily practice to make choices which work for me, not against me. I have lived in a more balanced place for such a long time now that it has become normal, so normal that I had honestly forgotten how terrible it feels to be this out of balance.
With a bit a distance it has been interesting to reflect on what happened for me. I am also looking at what I can choose differently in the future. Although there was a lot going on, there were some basic things that I could have chosen differently to avoid going so off balance. In fact, I really needed a healing session! Healers need healing too.
Why am I sharing all of this? I want to share with you that feeling good is a choice. Feeling good requires you to make healthy choices on a daily basis, on a moment to moment basis. Feeling good does not just happen by itself. Those who are more energetically sensitive need to be even more mindful. Each of us are unique and will be effected by things in different ways but there are some general things that when applied will help you to feel good and stay in balance.
This is what I recommend on a daily basis: 1) Meditate 2) Exercise 3) Eat well, avoid food and drink that leave you feeling low energy 4) Surround yourself by people and places that make you feel good! 5) Watch your thoughts! Thoughts create 6) Love yourself! What would you choose if you were being loving and kind to you?
As soon as I got home I started making choices to get back on track. I am back to my morning green tea, meditation, smoothies and exercise. I have also booked into have a healing session! It feels so good to come back home to me.
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